A Writer's Self-Esteem

While editing, my self-esteem took a few knocks.  Parts of it need so much work, I really started to doubt myself.  Terrible sentence structures, plot-holes, irregularities... I started to forget the pride I felt at getting over the first hurdle.

On other blogs you see so many people being so successful, and every published book you read is an author's success story, and I kept thinking "this isn't good enough, what am I doing?"

But I didn't give up, because I have to write.  And no matter how frustrated I got, I never got bored, which has to be a good sign! There are parts that shine and what's wrong is fixable.  It's really reassuring.  First drafts are supposed to be rubbish because it's all about getting the idea out.  Think of it as an unmade bed: it's a right old mess when you kick off the covers and get up, but once it's made, it's tidy and everything is where it belongs.

I think everyone suffers a few knocks to their self-confidence during the first edit.  Never compare yourself to another writer because you're a completely different person.  I constantly remind myself every published book started out as a rough draft.  Writing might be fun, but it's also a lot of hard work.

I can't fix everything over night.  It's going to take time, patience and a lot of careful thinking. 

But it will be done and I won't let my self-doubt conquer me.  And yes, I can still feel the pride of completing a first draft while accepting weeks, if not months, of work needs to be done.


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